What were your first experiences with a Jewish community?

Tags

belonging, conversion, interview with myself, my community, my story

The first time I had the opportunity to experience Jewish community was when I started my studies. The community I ended up in was really, really small. Also, the people who actually came to services were all old (read: over 60) and all male. So I didn’t really fit in. I think I didn’t talk to anybody for the first year or so (not even the rabbi, he never approached me). A few times there were some students or young people doing an internship with whom I had contact for a few months, but all of them disappeared relatively quickly from the synagogue. I should have gone to Saturday morning services where there were more people, also women, but I didn’t know that. Anyway, I’m not sure this would have helped, as there still wouldn’t have been any people below 40.

I had lots of work to do for my studies, I felt that I was way too young to make such an important decision, I didn’t feel I belonged in that community, so I didn’t attempt to talk to the rabbi or anybody important. Still, I went to Friday evening services nearly every week, I kept shabat, I ate vegetarian (kosher would have been impossible in a shared flat with non-Jews) and I read everything about Judaism that I could find. But I wasn’t really thinking that I would convert someday.

Looking back, I think I was right in taking my time to decide, but it definitely wouldn’t have hurt to get some sort of formal process started or at least I should have talked to the rabbi. Still, I learned a lot during this time, about navigating the service in Hebrew, about explaining Judaism to non-Jews. But it was pretty lonely and I’m a bit surprised that I actually stayed there for so long.

You are not going to find here what you are looking for

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my search terms, wrong here

WordPress gives you statistics about the terms people use to get to your blog. And for quite some time I have been getting lots of hits for different variations of one specific search phrase for which unfortunately this blog cannot provide an answer. So, dear search engine user, I am sorry, but you are not going to find "mishna berura online english translation" here. Try Google books!

How did your parents react?

Tags

interview with myself, my story, parents, reactions

Well, I didn’t tell them for a very long time. They knew I was interested in Judaism, but I didn’t tell them that I had started to practice some things. We had plenty of other problems with each other (I was 16!). As they and all of my siblings are not religious at all, already that I was involved at the church was strange. They told me repeatedly that religion is for those who are not able to make their own rules. They knew I learned Hebrew, but I had taught myself Spanish and a bit of Russian before, so they just assumed I was into languages (which I am). They thought Judaism was a phase, one of these things people find interesting as teenagers and then drop it as they become adults.

Probably the first sign that I was more serious about Judaism than they realized was when I went to Israel for six months after finishing high school. But possibly they still thought it was a phase or that I just wanted to annoy them. Anyway, I went and I think the distance and the fact that I was so determined to go really helped both sides to re-evaluate their positions and expectations.

When I came back from Israel, I moved away for my studies and we started to get along better in general. And after a few years they even asked me if I was involved in the Jewish community and I said yes. It became more normal for them that I am sort-of-Jewish. They now see that I haven’t become a crazy fanatic. And now, more than ten years after I started this process, I can talk to them about my frustration with the conversion process, about a nice shiur I had, about some mitzvot [commandments] or about the ultraorthodox in Israel without any stupid comments. But I still wouldn’t tell them all that I do and I make plenty of compromises when I am at their house.

How did your interest in Judaism affect your former religious practice?

Tags

christianity, conversion, curiosity, interview with myself, my story

When I became interested in Judaism I was 16 and was in charge of a weekly girls’ group in the protestant church in my neighbourhood. But the rest of my life wasn’t actually very religious, I didn’t pray or read the bible or believe all the bible stories literally. I was in for the people and the music.

Judaism changed my life pretty fast. I remember doing my first Shabat not even a month after I stumbled upon Judaism (hidden from my parents). There was no synagogue in my city, but I spent loads of time in a Jewish chatroom. I tried out lots of things. I turned off my computer for Shabat (more out of boredom, because the chatroom was empty). I fasted for Yom Kippur (without telling anyone, not even my parents, just to see if I could). I became a vegetarian (easier to explain than kashrut). I learned Hebrew (when I was bored at school). I memorized the Kaddish (don’t know why this prayer exactly). There was no Jewish community reachable for me, but I did what I could on my own. I didn’t want to convert at that point, I think. It was more experimentation of how crazy all of it actually was than really believing in it at the beginning.

During the same time I continued to be actively involved in my protestant community. And I subtly changed towards Judaism. When I had to tell a biblical story, I took it from the "old" testament – it has great stories, nobody really missed anything. When I had to select songs I selected those without Jesus – there are lots, nobody even noticed. In the bigger events I volunteered for the music group or the outdoor activities instead of the bible groups. The children or the pastor never knew. My fellow counselors probably suspected, because in our discussions my viewpoints became more and more synched with Judaism. One person told me I’d go to hell if I don’t believe in Jesus. But at that point I was so far away from Christianity, it didn’t matter to me at all.

Without really realizing it or planning on converting, I ended up observing many Jewish things. And it just fit! I don’t think I did anything "religiously Jewish" like rituals or praying though.