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One of the best parodies of creationists I have ever read, written by Gail Davis in December 1996 (yes, it’s old, but I’m young, so I hadn’t seen it before): Godless Linguistics!

Clearly, we can see the very structure of our civilization crumbling around our ears. Sexual perversion runs rampant as our once-proud moral culture slides ever closer to the gaping maw of oblivion. One need only turn on the TV to witness ample evidence of the degradation of our current Godless society, slipping closer to destruction with the wanton disregard for proper diction, and the torrid abomination of corrupted grammar!

Why, just listen to the “music” of the young people these days. Such trash! The words slur together (when they can be understood at all) into a putrid mush of incomplete sentences and split infinitives. It’s awful. And it has been PROVEN to induce young people to commit acts of violence, theft, and unwed pregnancy. And surely, it is no mere coincidence that this dire threat to the fabric of our very civilization coincides exactly with the indoctrination of our young people with Godless LINGUISTICS in the public schools.

Our public schools have turned away from the source of Truth, to teach our children that our sacred English language has descended from other languages. The poor impressionable youngsters are taught AS A FACT that English words have certain “root words”, even though this is only a theory. The FACT is, God Almighty created all languages complete when he confused mankind’s original language as punishment for our transgression at the tower of Babel. But the athiest/lingusts don’t want this mentioned in public settings, because it goes against their FAITH, and forces them to face their own accountability. So they have BANNED the teaching of Babelism, because they are afraid that it might expose the weakness of their own linguistic ideas. Is this fair? I don’t think so. It goes against all that America stands for.

Therefore, join me in the campaign to have a balanced and fair treatment in public education. All english teachers should be required to include Babelism as a valid alternate theory to Linguisticism, whenever the origins of the English language is discussed.

Oh, of course we can expect opposition from the entrenched vested interests. They will point to certain similarities (i.e. “mother”, “madre” “mater”) as evidence of the relatedness of various languages. But this is a complete misinterpretation of the evidence. Clearly it is more economical for God to use similar phonic structures to designate similar meanings. Therefore, the existence of such similarities PROOVES that the various languages must have had the same author.

Second, a language is a complex thing. The odds that some first speaker could randomly string together a complex series of sounds, and then multiply this by the odds that someone else would UNDERSTAND him, and the probablity could be calculated to be less than 1 in 10^500. That’s a one with five hundred zero’s. A statistical impossibility. Obviously, the first language must have a designer: God.

Third, there is NO evidence that transitional languages ever existed. What use is half a language? A noun without verbs conveys no meaning! Sure, there is middle and old-English. But these are ENGLISH! A complete nontransitional language. We do not deny that micro-lingustics can happen, but this process can create only DIALECTS. There is NO EVIDENCE that a series of random micro-lingustic events can create a WHOLE NEW LANGUAGE. I’ll beleive in Macro-linguistics when I see a video tape of a child growing up in an Eskimo village suddenly become fluent in Armenian! It takes A LOT MORE FAITH to beleive in athieistic linguisticism than the truth of Babelism.

So join me in the crusade: Babelism must be included in the public school English curriculum.

There are only two theories which explain the origin of our language: Babelism and Linguisticism. Shouldn’t they BOTH be given a fair hearing?

Thank you.

Support babelism!